Here I am

I am back from the Gym, trainer had a sit down with me this AM to address basically my lack of weight loss. I've been going there about 3 months. It's funny how that makes me feel...defensive and in a way prequalifying future behavior that would prevent weight loss. I am working on getting my head around accepting the help and making this happen. I want it to, I just don't want to do the work, and I don't really know why. It's almost like I don't want to put away the laundry so here it sits. I know in the long run I'd be so much more confident and would be so much more ready to make a good choice in a partner, etc. It makes me kind of sad to say that-like that's not important enough to cut back on food. It's not really about being better looking so more people will like me it's about not selling my self short on any basis.

Saw Stevie Nicks yesterday for the first time in a long time...talked about x and his 24 yr old gf...who is closer to keith's age than his. Whatevs. I am bitter he won for the short term, but I would never consider a 24 yr old, or anything less than what I am.

Work is bananas-not in the fun song kind of way-but in the crazy fucking in believable upside down world way. I need to spend some time on my resume and see if I have to suck it up here or can make the same elsewhere.

Dood-also pretty broke right now. Spending less (excepton gym) and need to get a new washer and drier etc...commissions way down because economy sucks. Perfect storm.