I can see!

Lasiks worked! The whole procedure was a bit weird, didn't love the logistics of the place, I've got a lot of bruising which looks like blood on the whites of my eyes, but my vision is good and today especially my eyes feel fine. Yesterday I felt like I needed the drops often, but today less so. Yesterday also my near vision wasn't so good, but improved through out the day and today seems no different than with contacts. Crazy. Hard to believe I'm not wearing glasses or contacts any more. Today is the HS reunion. I am so absolutely over the moon about seeing Chris....I am sure it will be fun, I don't think I've been out for pure fun with Shelagh since HS...always at home or w kids. What else? X told me about a fight he and Keith had, keith is totally tuned into the fact that he cares about himself...and keith's decided x is a dick so is forcing him into acting like that and it's working. Made me super sad, didn't sleep so well thinking about it. My heart just swells and aches for Keith. I can steer him, but not sure how open/honest to be with him about my opinion's of his dad. Nan was saying she had to give me the real deal on my mom, and that helped but I was a few years older. Anyway that's today. Keith's off restriction, gotta give him a little room, but not enough to get in more trouble.

Whatevs

I'm at work...can't you tell be the extensive work I am doing right now. Yesterday I went to spin which was awesome, great, chills, happiness, and then to the trainer in the evening, which was just hard. I had killed it at Spin and didn't have much left, but needed to go because Thursday is Lasiks which means no work out.

What else? Not a lot...the whole lonely vibe is still lingering, I have a whole lot of nothing going on. After some of this upcoming travel I need to try and get out more locally just for social reasons. No nothing from scg for a few days. No big woop, but a clear reminder I have a whole lot of nothing going on socially. Also I think my love affair with spin comes from all pent up sexual energy. Not sure what will happen with New York, betting he doesn't show. Whatever.

Leaving work early to take little miss to dance, she gets to wear her costume which will be fun. Tomorrow Lasiks.

IDK

I guess sometimes are hard and that's OK. I am not sure what's gotten into me tonight. Going to the movies alone isn't so bad, but also isn't the best. Kids were making me a bit crazy today. X did something nice for me which seems crazy, gave me a CD that he had at work that he thought I'd like, and I do. I have never ever doubted my decision, and I am not now either, but it's kinda of weird to have him be the person doing something nice. It's hard when there's no one calling all day to say hey. I don't want to wallow, I want to "return to myself/I am safe". I want to forgive myself for craving and not being exactly where I am, but it's not that easy sometimes. I feel like I have been doing great, genuinely, but maybe it's just a release valve. I am not so much struggling for a man/mate/match, but just struggling a little. I guess I'm entitled, I just don't really like it all that much. Thank God for the bike, better than Prozac or therapy...thank goodness for movies, and food, and my freedom. I am very grateful for my freedom in so many ways, thought, actions, time, it's more than I knew was out there. So I guess I'll go to sleep....tomorrow trainer! and another day to start over (especially on eating....first day of the rest of my life).

Not a lot is going on w me

Just chilling at home this AM....kids kids kids. This is Keith's last restricted weekend, he did well yesterday, cleaned his room, got his act together. It's too much to have them both home all the time, I always end up yelling at someone. Little miss lost another tooth last night. I had Tets Ethan and Mac over and we made all the noodles I brought home from Japan. It was good. I ate too much. I gotta get that under control ASAP. No need paying for the trainer if I'm eating like a jerk. I am getting Lasiks on Thursday! OMG-No more glasses or contacts! No more contacts+toothpaste business trips. I have really been enjoying the weekends at home, just doing what I want is pretty cool. Keith told me his dad was talking to him about the divorce and went off on how he hated my friends, and I didn't invite him to do stuff, and didn't do stuff with him and his friends. I told keith he was right, but if you knew someone hated your friends would you want to invite them to do stuff? would you start to think that he hated you too...if you liked your friends and they like you? Keith was fine, but a little disconcerting that x would bring up such biased comments. I've got that stuff on lock down.

any way pretty much all is well...might go to the movies alone tonight, might go to yoga. I think it will be too dark to ride my bike by the time the kids are both gone. I could go to gym then movies...that's the plan.