another candle lit meal

tets came and thank god for that. He is truly my base right now and for so long and I am so greatfull for the willingness...we went over and over all the shit with SCG and no call/no show and he was exactly the voice I needed. Don't go to tomorrow but let him explain and make it up. Really finally heard me say I am the shit and if another person doesnt see that then I'm out. Got email from SCG...lost phone, Im sorry, blah blah blah....not sure if I buy it but willing to consider it. not sure what to do in the AM but ever ever ever so greatfulll for Tets and his infinite patience with my humanity. He's role in my life has never been clearer and with out conflict. I only wish I drank enough tonight not to blog...

WCS

So about an hour after the aforementioned txt I got a reply that said he was in a race mtng would call soon...yep that was over 6 hrs ago. I txt'd a "?" and called (didn't leave a msg). No reply.

I Must Chill

Work has been shitty and crazy lately, I'm busy at home punishing Keith and generally trying to feed the machine...now I am in Austin and I'm supposed to SCG...im'd yesterday and asked if he wanted to meet for lunch or something...said yes...I'm here, called, no answer, vm full, sent txt...I have a terrible condition response to this situation.....waiting for a guy to do what I think should happen in the time frame I think is resonable. I know I am just avoiding rejection and taking myself immediately to WCS but is ruining my energy and my ability to be. be right now.be when the time is right.be.be.be. I am very anxious right now....trying to focus on some work, trying not to cry, thinking of a nap but that might make it worse. I have to make this stop.