Not Sure

I am not sure what happened to the post I just wrote, but it's gone. I am going to Lucida Williams tonight with Marie. I hope it's fun. Sometimes I feel like she doesn't really pay attention to me or get some of the stuff I am saying. She has a different filter. But then sometimes it's awesome like in Vegas. Nan is out of town so LeAnn is watching Bella and Keith is probably roaming the streets, according to him of course he'll be well supervised at so and so's house. His grades are good now and we are talking and spending lots of time together so I am not so worried.

Did I mention the guy who read the blog from the singapore office found me on facebook? Funny emails, he's going to Tokyo (married w kids btw).

I went to spin yesterday and it was awesome. Meleah was in a frustrated mood to so she made it all get sweated out.

About a week ago I emailed scg, I knew I would even though I didn't want to. He replied yesterday and the reply was fair to good. It made a lot of the frustration come back. It made me sad. I'm glad there's no bad blood but I have to be careful.I re friended him on facebook. I don't want to get all sucked back in. Dennis and I got in a huge fight about it. I am just about done.I am not sure how I got him in the divorce but he is so incredibly insensitve and when his needs are being met it gets worse. It's hard to discuss with him because it just sounds like sour grapes and maybe it is. How'd he get a girlfriend? He's a dick. I guess lots of girls like dicks (I mean assholes).

I went on a date the other night with someone from Match...he showed up, that was good. He was nice. He's a bit older which alone is not an issue, he wore too much cologne, which alone is not an issue, he likes jimmy buffett which alone is not an issue. I guess you see where I'm going with this. All summed up it's a bit of an issue. I'm not sure how to go about meeting someone else. I have to try the bike rides...I'll have to ask Nan to help me out a few Saturday mornings. I know she'll say yes, which is why I don't even like to ask. That's it.

I have been going to the gym like crazy and also eating like an idiot, which is a negative combination. I honestly don't feel full/satisfied (I realize they are 2 different things) and so I over eat. I was really trying to focus on why, emotionally there is always a connection weather I want their to be or not, but didn't really connect to anything. So I went to the gym this AM and was with the trainer who is very corrective of form and it makes me frustrated. I am trying always, I am putting so much time into it, I like praise not criticism (imagine that). And it hit me that I am generally frustrated. Things did not turn out the way I wanted them to with scg, with working out non stop, with work at the present moment, with my launch into the new life. It's all a little frustrating and all of it is happening now. So that is probably why I am eating too much....food isn't frustrating. It's good and feels good until you figure out the math on the working out vs calories in. Then there is one more point of frustration. I think it's good to connect it, I've never really been able to stop or correct the behavior, but we'll see it's all new, lots of new chances.

Some stuff

Has happened since the last post, so that's good. Still looking to bury the details of that BS. Went out with a meet up group of girls on Sat. night...drinks/appetizers and more drinks at a 2nd location. Very NB, and seems unlikely that I'll meet the right guy for me in a bar, but totally could've been so much worse. Girls were nice, easy to talk to, I'd do it again, not as a every week, but once a month for sure.

Still working out like crazy, but not loosing weight, eating randomly, but weighing myself today kinda set me straight. Need to buy lots of fruits and veggies and stick to bringing my lunch.


I guess I thought there was more to say. Some interesting facebook stuff...Old friends with nice things to say. The random coworker who read the blog...always makes me blush thinking of that. I'm trying to call Chris once a week or so....just to stay in touch, alway a laugh, always super sweet.

Date tonight with Match guy. Either you never know, or you can never have enough rejection in your life. Whatever.

There was some other stuff with X and Keith, but it's more of the same. Sad. Makes me focused on staying connected to Keith, spending time with him. He and I went to dinner alone last night, Target, School, this morning too. It was nice. He's a good boy, good heart. Grades are mixed but comming up. Hopefully I can pull of getting this kid into college. That's what it's all about.