Glad the Asshole doesn't live at my house any more

So did I mention Lindsey's car got towed? But since it's in my name only I could get it out...so we went to get it out and I left my ID in my laptop bag from the trip to San Jose the other day. The place is about 5 min from the house. He was basically having a tantrum about the whole situation. He wouldn't even ride with Bella and I back to my house to get my ID...he waited in the parking lot of the tow yard. I grabbed it, went back, signed the car out and left. No Thank You, no nothing. It made me sick to my stomach. The car's in my name because I am still paying for it and he's acting like it's all such a pain in his ass. Doood....doing anything for him just makes me physically sick. So I hope I can shake that and get on with the day. Gonna pack get a little organized and try not to check my phone for a call or message that apparently isn't coming.

Saturday

Last night dinner for Ethan was OK, conversation kept moving but the service was bad. I'm not going back there, this was their last chance. Super cute guy called Ethan while we were at dinner. Ethan told him who was there. It didn't really bother me that much I know they are good friends and Ethan had been in Kansas for business and they missed each other. I was hoping that being reminded of me would encourage some contact, but no. Which makes it all bother me more. Ethan wanted to talk to him on my behalf, but that's not allowed.

So I guess I'll go out tomorrow night with the Asian guy :( I don't want to but I know I should. Even if he does call, it's not like he's anywhere near here.

Last night Lindsey called, his car got towed and they wouldn't give it to him because it's in my name. I am not sure what he wanted me to do, I was at home with Bella. He ended up walking here and driving himself home in my car. He's coming by here so I can go with him to get the car. Fun times! So typicall...he kinda wanted me to leave Bella at home alone to go with him last night to get the car, or to get someone to stay over here with her so I could help him immediately...cause it's all about him. So I'm going to pack and study and thats about it.

More of the Same

The other blog is still blocked! Frustrating. Today I went on a bike ride and got a flat, 2nd in 2 days. Frustrating. I'll have to take the wheels in and see what's up with them. But I wanted to get as much time on the bike as possible before I leave for Japan and things are not working according to my plan.

So I have not contacted anyone online from Match or Chemistry and I have kept the profiles turned off, but I signed up for what I thought was a free site...active singles or something like that. It wasn't free, and I've had a few emails. It just kind of makes me feel sick, I don't want to do it. I want someone who I like to want to hang out with me. Why is that so hard? 2 days left before I have to basically write off super cute guy which just makes me super sad.

I'm going to the beach today with Bella and her friend Jenna and her mom and brother. Her mom is turning out a little high maintenance on the beach thing. So we're going to something close to the bay (yuck) which I am sure the kids will like, but I won't. Tonight taking Ethan to dinner for his B day. That's about it.

Today

Working definitely helps with the state of mind. Today I went to San Jose and did my thing for FCPA which was good just to be talking about something else, using my mind, not thinking about who's not calling etc. Came home a bit early and waited for Keith to call, he did. Sounds bored, but he can get over it, he's gotta try to communicate with them. He said it's different and wanted to know when I'd be there. Basically a week from tomorrow for him, not so bad. (I am typing with fingers of fury right now!)
Marie stopped by after getting her cleaning and then I got ready to go for a bike ride. I got a flat about 3 miles in and had Nan come and get me. I got about 90% of it fixed but had to have Ed snap the tire back in the rim. I hope it's all solid and I can go for a long ride tomorrow.
Before Sunrise is on, which makes me want to watch before sunset which is dangerously close to wallowing.
Not much else to report. I remembered that 7 days is the cut off between communication for taking someone seriously, so I'll keep that in mind over the next. Going to dinner tomorrow night with Ethan for his Bday, I think Jenn and Evelyn will join which will make it less of a date, which is not such a worry with Ethan, but better not to run out of stuff to say.
Asian guy wants to meet this weekend :(:(:(
I do feel a lot better after the Stevie Nicks talk, just having the place for someone to say it's Ok to be sad over the little stuff, not trying to talk me out of it etc.

bitter party of 1

I am still bitter about the blog situation. WTF!!! 3 days to recover it? What if it was generating revenue? Just cause no one reads it doesn't mean I don't need it! Whatever, me and my 2nd rate blog will live happily ever after, just watch.

I saw Stevie Nicks today, which was helpful, I was a big cry baby. Which I didn't like since last week I was all high on crime after meeting super cute guy. Who said on Sunday (technically, but Saturday night my time) that he would call in a few days, so I cried about it. Not just him but being lonely, being alone, no one giving a fuck, but hopefully I left some of that there. A few people txtd to see how I was after sending Keith off, which feels like some one might give a fuck, although not exactly what I had in mind. I just feel sad. I don't want to be hopeless and old and watching Spongebob every night of the week. How am I supposed to meet someone?Dood I hate this fucking conversation. I've been having it for 6 months. Anyway....stiff upper lip time, glass of wine time, please let me sleep tonight time.

2nd post on sucky blog

I am totally pissed they haven't fixed my blog situation. Took Keith to the airport with Lindsey today. They would only let one of us go threw security with him so Lindsey went. I couldn't deal with the rejection of driving home with him after he waited outside for 1/2 an hour, and it shows Keith a united front. I am not worried about Keith, but I will really miss him and hope he doesn't take after his mom and get all weepy on an airplane.

I am feeling remarkably hopeless today. How am I supposed to meet anyone? How am I supposed to waste my time with the guys on the internet? I am just over it. I know other people can't fix my stuff, but it does feel like super cute guy could help in this situation, whatever. I don't exactly know why I would expect that, but I want to hopeful about life in general, which requires some level of expectations. :(

Always turns out the same. This time is a little worse, because I wasn't settling and I didn't force it. FUCK!

this blog sucks

Dude they shut down my blot WTFIGOWM? Just when I am trying not to waste my time on internet dating sites, just when I am trying on to be sad about super cute guy, I am totally white knuckling it!

So now I'm drinking alone, never a good sign, but it's reality. Tomorrow keith leaves for Japan!!! He's not too happy, but he'll survive.

No emails no calls from super cute guy. Why does it make me sad? Isn't it supposed to make me feel like I am so awesome he's missing out? That's what I've been reading, anyway. Why isn't it it like that automatically, how do I convince myself? Why doesn't anything go anywhere? Why doesn't someone give a fuck about me? This sucks!!! Went to lunch w Marie, which was lovely, great food, good company. She's says she feels the same, but the bottom line is she's not alone.

Well that's mostly it. !!!!! I am frustrated and am trying just to sit with it, but it's tough. Finding stupid reasons to email, I hate that. Just one more point of no response. I know the rules! Fuck!