I'm still here,

I am just sitting in the Admirals Club at LHR returning from Ireland. The vacation was good, a bit surprisingly. I guess you can't go wrong with it really, but I was a bit worried about hanging out with Jen and JP the whole time, we did fine. Going home has me feeling the road trip malaise, I guess it's bound to happen. I don't want to go back to work, it so incredibly fucked, just the feeling, not the actual work, but the new boss is such a dick. It just never stops. I just realized how much anxiety it's creating in my life. It makes everything feel shitty.

I am of course feeling a bit sad about my current status. It's been 6 months since scg, I still FB stalk him. No prospects in sight (except the 69 year old irish man who was very aggressive), no end in sight really. Ron gave me some good advice-don't go looking for it, let it come to you. Ihate what it does to my head the most, makes me feel fat, all kids of bad stuff which may or may not be true, but is always brought on by this state and just kind of circles the drain from their. Work, fat, alone...I hate giving in to it, but it just clouds up my head.

I am very happy to be going home. Can't wait to see the kids, of course got some shitty txt from x about some confrontation he had w keith. I think I am going to easy on Keith and it's making him cocky. We'll see what his account is. I need to find a way to motivate him more.

After all that time w no posts, that is that I guess. Busy week ahead, 1 night in las vegas, bike ride, shitty work vibe. I'm just going to fake that and see if it helps.