I know

I was re reading the old posts and it is so repetitive. It's OK, but dood! WTF is going on with me is right....so I will try and move the rock up the hill one more time ;-) All of this makes me wonder if my internal voice is really that negative? That would also suck...so here we go on all the news with a postitive spin.

I was reading x's myspace and email...not sure how to spin that positively. It seems he has a 24 yr old gf who seems to have a son maybe 3 or 4. I only saw dirty pix between them, no date talk or anything. I am kind of happy for him, because that's a stabalizer and could improve his quality of life and therefore the kids... It always makes me feel a little wierd that someone can love him, and I'm alone, but I don't really feel jealous, just like it wasn't supposed to happen like this.

I am at work waiting for Tamales then going to the grocery store, home, then dr, then dinner w Tets and Takemura and Ethan....Let's see what elese can I take on with a new attitude?
Working out, went to the gym this am with the trainer, didn't go to spin today, could have, but thought I would have gone to get the groceries by now, but the tamales are holding me up. Thought about the food thing a lot, going to see a nutritionist at the begining of next month and maybe that will be a good re start.

Work is back to the feeling of uncertainty. It got a little better, but there is too little communication from the top down. Hopefully I can chill over the next few days. I have to cook tomorrow and finish wrapping gifts! I'll cash in my christmas miracle on getting that all done.

Let's see...dating. I have an interesting prospect from Match, a boston transplant of only 8 months, he sounds cute on the phone, and is funny, giving me a run for it. There's another one who is putting me through the worlds longest interview process, I should have dropped it, but might be interesting to see where it goes. Kinda flirty with a guy at the gym this AM, or I could've been totally wrong and he was smiling cause my stretch marks where showing or he can tell I am trying really hard not to fart ;-) We'll see if I can weazle some sessions at the same date time.

So in addition to reading x's personal correspondence I regularly check scg's facebook. No comments once he commented on a video of Bella I posted, and I replied with a thanks. It's wierd I used to look at the pics and think he was SCG and now I just feel...a little mad, a little dissapointed in him as a person, not towards me but in terms of human potential he is lacking in an important area. IDK-- I care so much less than before, but part of me wants to win, not for any particular reason, except that winning is winning.

Umm OK that's all. The good news is, I am not mad or making the food thing a negative reinforcement party. I have been excercising regularly. I am out and about with little drama or serious effort. So more positive posts to follow....oh yeah..I am kind of wishing I had an audience. It would keep it from being so boring!!