I am just sitting in the Admirals Club at LHR returning from Ireland. The vacation was good, a bit surprisingly. I guess you can't go wrong with it really, but I was a bit worried about hanging out with Jen and JP the whole time, we did fine. Going home has me feeling the road trip malaise, I guess it's bound to happen. I don't want to go back to work, it so incredibly fucked, just the feeling, not the actual work, but the new boss is such a dick. It just never stops. I just realized how much anxiety it's creating in my life. It makes everything feel shitty.
I am of course feeling a bit sad about my current status. It's been 6 months since scg, I still FB stalk him. No prospects in sight (except the 69 year old irish man who was very aggressive), no end in sight really. Ron gave me some good advice-don't go looking for it, let it come to you. Ihate what it does to my head the most, makes me feel fat, all kids of bad stuff which may or may not be true, but is always brought on by this state and just kind of circles the drain from their. Work, fat, alone...I hate giving in to it, but it just clouds up my head.
I am very happy to be going home. Can't wait to see the kids, of course got some shitty txt from x about some confrontation he had w keith. I think I am going to easy on Keith and it's making him cocky. We'll see what his account is. I need to find a way to motivate him more.
After all that time w no posts, that is that I guess. Busy week ahead, 1 night in las vegas, bike ride, shitty work vibe. I'm just going to fake that and see if it helps.
Showing posts with label travel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label travel. Show all posts
Monday, February 9, 2009
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
maybe I'm on an up swing...the japan stuff went better than expected today, that's a relief. I have been reading and re reading this book on the best Buddhist writings of 2008 and it makes me try and change from the inside which is what it's all about. Reading that what ever pain I'm in is something I caused someone some other time, not in a guilty way, but in a way that says, experience this pain and act carefully not to create it for someone else. Also a lot about craving and grasping, holding on to what isn't there, and I have been trying to experience my thoughts more carefully, meditatively, and seeing how far ahead I am and how that prevents me from being here now...and being anywhere I am really. Also forgiveness, forgiving myself for the pain I have caused my self and others, and isolating the actions of others that I should forgive. I think there is a lot there about the x, forgiving myself for how it was, forgiving myself.forgiving myself. It seems like that is along way off, but rings very true. I do feel like I love myself for the first time in my life, when all the other confusion or pain is on my mind that is a great surprise, a feeling I didn't know before. So not to get all metaphysical, but going back to the simple stuff I know works and is true is a benefit to the experiences I've had over the last few weeks. Beach with kids, books, Buddha, clearing my head, hanging out w Keith, sleeping with Bella when she was sick. Little bits of magic.
im'd with scg for a while this morning (he found me). Daughter is fine, but they are all a bit shaken up still. Tried to be big about it, glad he was able to get the call in time to go to her, vs. when he landed. That is all true. He apologized and we talked a little about why Tets was mad at me, and just chat. Going to remember that IM isn't real communication, and told him my lesson was not to make plans...sometimes things have to happen because they are supposed to not because you make them happen. Working hard to see that going over and over all of it is not helping me experience anything new.
im'd with scg for a while this morning (he found me). Daughter is fine, but they are all a bit shaken up still. Tried to be big about it, glad he was able to get the call in time to go to her, vs. when he landed. That is all true. He apologized and we talked a little about why Tets was mad at me, and just chat. Going to remember that IM isn't real communication, and told him my lesson was not to make plans...sometimes things have to happen because they are supposed to not because you make them happen. Working hard to see that going over and over all of it is not helping me experience anything new.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Funniest Thing Ever
My friend (and former work husband) was speculating on what my "off the record" meeting with the womanizer of PFU Japan will be like and wrote the funniest most on the money short story/email to capture what he thinks could happen...copied here:
Part I
They met at the fixed time. On a miniature bridge in a giant city. There was love seat for two nearby. It was a striking monument of the quiet wisdom that emanated from a silent man with much to say.
He seated himself at a respectable distance and cleared his throat.
“Why, he’s nervous, just like me,” she thought. She was happy that he was not like the other salarymen in Tokyo. Those who followed the rules and bowed on command.
“Kon bon wa,” he croaked. His voice was raspy. “Doesn’t matter,” she told herself.
“Kon bon wa!” she crooned.
His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. She looked even more beautiful today. Her eyes were like those of a deer. And she had such long eyelashes. When she lowered them, they cast mysterious shadows on her cheeks.
Her nose was delicate and straight. Her lips were perfectly shaped; her mouth, a little wide. Her jet black hair shone with a gleam as she moved her head. Her skin had a healthy glow to it. He observed all this while she made a pretext of playing with the edges of her 3G capable Blackberry.
“Well, er… do you like me?” he asked.
She looked at him. His hair was combed to perfection with a perfectly respectable side parting. His nose was aquiline. His eyes were two expressive pools of black. Funny, she’d not noticed that they had so much character in them. His appointment book was neatly tucked into his breast pocket. His mouth … She hastily averted her gaze.
“You know I do!”
“When I saw you on the first day of JIMA, I fell for you. You seemed to mesmerize me by the way you smiled and spoke.”
She remembered. That was three years ago. She had asked him for directions to the one ATM in the city that works. During this period, they had not exchanged more than a few words. But whenever they chanced upon each other: at the AIIM shows, in the demos, in the corridors with no pictures or color … they exchanged silent unspoken messages. Clearly they were attracted to each other.
“Even I felt the same. I was instantly pulled towards you,” she blushed as she spoke. “Every night, I would think of you, wondering whether you would speak with me the next day,” she smiled at the memory.
“And when you did not attend the ARMA show for one whole year, I felt as if my heart would break,” he said softly.
She knew that he would miss her the most. She had fallen sick and had remembered him in each moment of her weakness.
“And when I recovered, I saw you helping my best friend with his perfect PFU factory walking speed,” she shot him an accusing look…
Part II
…”How could she fall for a man who sweats more than a sumo wrestler on a Friendly airport bus?”, he wondered. “He’s a slight man from Osaka who would throw away everything for round eyes and a white girlfriend.” This International Business Woman deserved more than this, he thought.
He summoned the courage to speak to her again, thankfully his English was always better when he was horny. He smoothed the soft fabric of his blazer to mentally prepare himself for the battle ahead. His mind wandered, “…I’ve worn this blazer every day of my life and I’ve never been able to decide if it is green or blue..” It was time to make his move. He floated towards her with the grace and speed of a Shinkansen. Nothing could stop him now…
She watched tremulously as he approached her. He took her hand in his as they sauntered over to the bar. “Irashimashe!” the bartender blurted, she felt both proud of herself and guilty for ignoring him for just enough time to draw the word out in her head in Hiragana. What would you like Ms.? “I’ll take a shot of Jameson, leave the bottle”, and for you sir, “For reraxing times, it’s Suntory time”. It was the corniest and most beautiful moment of the evening.
My only wish is that there are others out there who get how fucking funny and frighteningly accurate this is.
Part I
They met at the fixed time. On a miniature bridge in a giant city. There was love seat for two nearby. It was a striking monument of the quiet wisdom that emanated from a silent man with much to say.
He seated himself at a respectable distance and cleared his throat.
“Why, he’s nervous, just like me,” she thought. She was happy that he was not like the other salarymen in Tokyo. Those who followed the rules and bowed on command.
“Kon bon wa,” he croaked. His voice was raspy. “Doesn’t matter,” she told herself.
“Kon bon wa!” she crooned.
His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. She looked even more beautiful today. Her eyes were like those of a deer. And she had such long eyelashes. When she lowered them, they cast mysterious shadows on her cheeks.
Her nose was delicate and straight. Her lips were perfectly shaped; her mouth, a little wide. Her jet black hair shone with a gleam as she moved her head. Her skin had a healthy glow to it. He observed all this while she made a pretext of playing with the edges of her 3G capable Blackberry.
“Well, er… do you like me?” he asked.
She looked at him. His hair was combed to perfection with a perfectly respectable side parting. His nose was aquiline. His eyes were two expressive pools of black. Funny, she’d not noticed that they had so much character in them. His appointment book was neatly tucked into his breast pocket. His mouth … She hastily averted her gaze.
“You know I do!”
“When I saw you on the first day of JIMA, I fell for you. You seemed to mesmerize me by the way you smiled and spoke.”
She remembered. That was three years ago. She had asked him for directions to the one ATM in the city that works. During this period, they had not exchanged more than a few words. But whenever they chanced upon each other: at the AIIM shows, in the demos, in the corridors with no pictures or color … they exchanged silent unspoken messages. Clearly they were attracted to each other.
“Even I felt the same. I was instantly pulled towards you,” she blushed as she spoke. “Every night, I would think of you, wondering whether you would speak with me the next day,” she smiled at the memory.
“And when you did not attend the ARMA show for one whole year, I felt as if my heart would break,” he said softly.
She knew that he would miss her the most. She had fallen sick and had remembered him in each moment of her weakness.
“And when I recovered, I saw you helping my best friend with his perfect PFU factory walking speed,” she shot him an accusing look…
Part II
…”How could she fall for a man who sweats more than a sumo wrestler on a Friendly airport bus?”, he wondered. “He’s a slight man from Osaka who would throw away everything for round eyes and a white girlfriend.” This International Business Woman deserved more than this, he thought.
He summoned the courage to speak to her again, thankfully his English was always better when he was horny. He smoothed the soft fabric of his blazer to mentally prepare himself for the battle ahead. His mind wandered, “…I’ve worn this blazer every day of my life and I’ve never been able to decide if it is green or blue..” It was time to make his move. He floated towards her with the grace and speed of a Shinkansen. Nothing could stop him now…
She watched tremulously as he approached her. He took her hand in his as they sauntered over to the bar. “Irashimashe!” the bartender blurted, she felt both proud of herself and guilty for ignoring him for just enough time to draw the word out in her head in Hiragana. What would you like Ms.? “I’ll take a shot of Jameson, leave the bottle”, and for you sir, “For reraxing times, it’s Suntory time”. It was the corniest and most beautiful moment of the evening.
My only wish is that there are others out there who get how fucking funny and frighteningly accurate this is.
A few things....
First, I don't think I have properly documented my love of the Strings Hotel. It's sublime. Arriving is always weird in Japan, too much service for me, don't carry my bags, don't meet me at the bus, just get me my key...and that is the moment the magic happens. The room is simple, average size by US standards, making it large for Tokyo. It's decorated modern but nothing that makes you feel like you're not cool enough for it. So bags down after 18 hours in transit bathroom is #1 priority. The shower/bath combo is engineering perfection, glassed off from toilet and sink, you can use both almost at the same time. Lots of steam, good water pressure, and the water never ever goes outside the shower area, the floor in front of the toilet and sink will never be wet. The washlet is obligatory, and in perfect order. Not too hot, water pressure not too surprising. Everything is provided, tooth brush, toothpaste, hair brush. Hair dryer is to American standards. Robes are great, pajama's are soft, room has it's own iron and ironing board, totally unique for Japan. Bed is huge, bedding simple but right quality. Everything in the mini bar is free....free breakfast, free laundry, free internet, amazing view. I am always happy to arrive.
Next I must document my love of Ramen and my visit to Ramen Town! Working on getting video done and linked.
Next I must document my love of Ramen and my visit to Ramen Town! Working on getting video done and linked.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Lots and Lots of Little Stuff
Working here yesterday in the Kofax office was the longest de ja vu ever...it lasted all day. I always imagined doing it, and then it just was happening, not in the super exciting look at my dreams come true way, just strangely in a real time memory. I talked to Keith yesterday, he's bored, I kinda get it, no TV, no easy communication, but day after tomorrow it's on! He said they went to the Hot Springs, I asked him how it was, and he said "There were dicks everywhere" which made me laugh so hard. I am not sure about a visit to the Onsen, but I want to go, so fuck it. Also Ikeda-san's wife's grandmother died, and there is a funeral which in Japan consists of a viewing, a trip to the crematorium as a family watching the body go in to the kiln, then waiting for it to be burned, then back to the kiln to take parts of the remains and put them into an Urn from bottom to top with chopsticks. I guess the clavicle bone goes in last and it looks like a buddah, then they seal the urn. Doood! Heavy shit. Keith was supposed to stay home with the son, but Tets called Ikeda and asked him to take him---not so sure about that, but I am sure not too many westerners see that.
The candidate we interviewed yesterday might be the right one. He is Japanese but born in Belgium!!! Can you believe that? So crazy. He's a little awkward and needy, but that's a good thing when you want someone to work hard. He's regarded as arrogant here which is so strange, last thing I'd use to describe him. They use Agencies here exclusively to hire, so we met with the rep from the Agency, who was from Buhtan, so interesting. I wanted to talk to him forever, I wanted him to take me there immediately. We went to dinner with the Kofax Japan peeps and then took them to Penguin Jacks which is undoubtedly the best bar in the world. Maybe a drank a little much...the soju strategy is good for calories but that shit sneaks up on you. I was feeling a little yucky this AM but it has passed. I did some heavy lifting for work today, so feeling productive, in the room to cool off and so Tets can nap--gotta keep him in good health this trip.
Still emailing with super cute guy which feels sweet. We'll see if it sustains. He's definitely in for the bike ride, so I can look forward to that. I was explaining the Buhtan thing and he had tried to go there, spent a month around everest about 10 years ago...nice surprise. Crazy that he has a brain, kinda artsy, liberal, and works in the same industry. Anyway I don't need to make him any better than he is, that's just leading to the wrong expectations. I sent him a link to a video of last night, we'll see if he watches. He asked me what exactly it is that I do, which made me laugh. Eat, drink, hang out with Tets, site see..you know average work week.
The candidate we interviewed yesterday might be the right one. He is Japanese but born in Belgium!!! Can you believe that? So crazy. He's a little awkward and needy, but that's a good thing when you want someone to work hard. He's regarded as arrogant here which is so strange, last thing I'd use to describe him. They use Agencies here exclusively to hire, so we met with the rep from the Agency, who was from Buhtan, so interesting. I wanted to talk to him forever, I wanted him to take me there immediately. We went to dinner with the Kofax Japan peeps and then took them to Penguin Jacks which is undoubtedly the best bar in the world. Maybe a drank a little much...the soju strategy is good for calories but that shit sneaks up on you. I was feeling a little yucky this AM but it has passed. I did some heavy lifting for work today, so feeling productive, in the room to cool off and so Tets can nap--gotta keep him in good health this trip.
Still emailing with super cute guy which feels sweet. We'll see if it sustains. He's definitely in for the bike ride, so I can look forward to that. I was explaining the Buhtan thing and he had tried to go there, spent a month around everest about 10 years ago...nice surprise. Crazy that he has a brain, kinda artsy, liberal, and works in the same industry. Anyway I don't need to make him any better than he is, that's just leading to the wrong expectations. I sent him a link to a video of last night, we'll see if he watches. He asked me what exactly it is that I do, which made me laugh. Eat, drink, hang out with Tets, site see..you know average work week.
Monday, August 18, 2008
It's Admirals Club Time!!
Wow! Exciting! Admirals Club! I never thought I'd see inside one of these....
I am waiting to depart to Japan...then a little work and then get Keith! I am starting to totally miss him. Read funny messages from his friends, they are missing him too. What else? Went for a short bike ride then finished getting ready to go. I was really floundering on the bike ride, getting out of bed etc. So glad I did, just around the back bay, less than an hour, but reminded me what I love about the bike, which I haven't seen for the last few rides. Went home and stretched, (before also), so the back is better, preparing to sit in coach for 10+ hours-yuck. Upgrade price went up to $400!!! Doood! I cant afford that shit. I gotta budget better so I can pay it-work isn't covering it any more. I think after this trip I'll be executive platinum so should get some free ones. That's about it...feeling OK otherwise.
I am waiting to depart to Japan...then a little work and then get Keith! I am starting to totally miss him. Read funny messages from his friends, they are missing him too. What else? Went for a short bike ride then finished getting ready to go. I was really floundering on the bike ride, getting out of bed etc. So glad I did, just around the back bay, less than an hour, but reminded me what I love about the bike, which I haven't seen for the last few rides. Went home and stretched, (before also), so the back is better, preparing to sit in coach for 10+ hours-yuck. Upgrade price went up to $400!!! Doood! I cant afford that shit. I gotta budget better so I can pay it-work isn't covering it any more. I think after this trip I'll be executive platinum so should get some free ones. That's about it...feeling OK otherwise.
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