Can't Sleep

It's 2:30, I'm watching a fairly crappy movie on pay per view and wondering if I should try to sleep more. Everything I need to do is going through my mind for tomorrow....groceries...gym etc. I'm hungry too, but there's not much food here and I already ate a bag of cheetos. Very Britney Spears, I should start smoking.

I am seeing myself looking for something in other people almost all of the time, then when they don't provide what I think I need I am disappointed. What about not wanting something ? What about taking what is given as it comes? I don't know. It's not about anyone else clearly, but extracting one from the other is messy. I am tired of all of this, it's almost exactly like masturbation...satisfying to a degree, but then not so much. OK I feel like I should pull myself out of this. What about the bike and those great feelings? What about seeing Dennis, Ethan, Tets and being happy to be their friend and seeing the same in them? What about Bella in my bed just wanting to have her hand on me...what about the beautiful full moon waiting for me. What else? How do I become my own first choice?