Just got back from the date with the Asian guy...it just seemed like he wasn't into it. Like it wasn't worth the drive for him. Part of me thinks I could've been more flirty but that's just somehow unnatural immediately. Conversation seemed easy enough, dinner, a little walk on the beach...then he was outta there. It's just relentless. If I wanted all this rejection I would've become an actress. I know how it's supposed to feel, and this guy didn't bring that, but what seems sooososososooso impossible is creating the right circumstances to find how it's supposed to be. So that's that. I am kinda tempted to break all the rules and email super cute guy...but a lame response or none would be too much to take.
I was driving home feeling sorry for myself and turned right up Newport Coast to measure the miles from my ride the other day (2 up hill, ~800 ft climb) and the moon was big and beautiful and made me remember that the universe does want me to be happy. A sign of beauty and serendipity that made me smile. In a way I know I am back where I am supposed to be, chilling, doing my thing, opening up to all the happy accidents that await, but it's hard not to be lonely while being alone.
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