IDK

I guess sometimes are hard and that's OK. I am not sure what's gotten into me tonight. Going to the movies alone isn't so bad, but also isn't the best. Kids were making me a bit crazy today. X did something nice for me which seems crazy, gave me a CD that he had at work that he thought I'd like, and I do. I have never ever doubted my decision, and I am not now either, but it's kinda of weird to have him be the person doing something nice. It's hard when there's no one calling all day to say hey. I don't want to wallow, I want to "return to myself/I am safe". I want to forgive myself for craving and not being exactly where I am, but it's not that easy sometimes. I feel like I have been doing great, genuinely, but maybe it's just a release valve. I am not so much struggling for a man/mate/match, but just struggling a little. I guess I'm entitled, I just don't really like it all that much. Thank God for the bike, better than Prozac or therapy...thank goodness for movies, and food, and my freedom. I am very grateful for my freedom in so many ways, thought, actions, time, it's more than I knew was out there. So I guess I'll go to sleep....tomorrow trainer! and another day to start over (especially on eating....first day of the rest of my life).