again

Why is it that I just can't accept the fact that I am lonely? It's not a question someone can answer, it's simply a state, it exists, perhaps indefinitely. It's kind of like I'm tired, but I can't sleep, not a lot anyone can do about that, but I guess you know you'll sleep eventually. I don't know when I'll realize that actions don't really change the state. Emailing super cute guy late at night...suggested IM, he declines, It's late, I gotta get to bed. I don't know what on earth would possess me to ask for rejection but I never stop doing it. It's really sad, like being overweight and binge eating, at some point you just gotta stop.
I don't know why it even makes me sad, but it does. It feels like I have 2 options, keep putting myself out there and feel pain, or retreat and feel bitterness. fuck it. done. sad. over it.